[English] Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

[Stephen Loosley]

Hi all,

Here's a great email from Carolyn today ..

"Enjoy these winning entries from this year's Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, 
in which entrants must invent a terrible first sentence for a novel. 
(Bulwer-Lytton penned "It was a dark and stormy night"). If you want to read 
more, go to www.bulwer-lytton.com   Perhaps senior students would enjoy some 
of these:) It's an interesting task!"

The grand winner:
Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one 
small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal 
a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face 
said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own 
grave and lick the shovel clean.
Jim Guigli
Carmichael, CA

"I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, 
"you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?' - 
and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as 
this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle 
nuances will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one 
question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' - well do you, punk?"
Stuart Vasepuru
Edinburgh, Scotland

When he heard the woman upstairs scream, the Maytag man's heart thumped in 
his chest like an off-balance washer full of heavy bath towels.
Linda Shakespeare
Elk Grove, CA

It was a day, like any other day, in that Linus got up, faced the sunrise, 
used his inhaler, applied that special cream between his toes, wrote a quick 
note and put it in a bottle, and wished he'd been stranded on the island 
with something other than 40 cases each of inhalers, decorative bottles, and 
special toe cream.
Chris Harget
Campbell, CA

It was a dreary Monday in September when Constable Lightspeed came across 
the rotting corpse that resembled one of those zombies from Michael 
Jackson's "Thriller," except that it was lying down and not performing the 
electric slide.
Derek Fisher
Ottawa, ON

Nick Stiletto, a three-inch ash hanging from his generic P&Q-brand 
cigarette, squinted through the wispy smoke across the nicked 
linoleum-covered table at the man in the blue suit, wondering why he had 
gone into private detection when he could have easily inherited his father's 
cat-stretching business in Peoria.
Ed Buhrer
Louisa, VA

David loved Marisela's voice, which was like fresh honeydew melon wrapped in 
fine prosciutto, and pierced with a round, teal gourmet toothpick, set on a 
Lenox Fruits of Life serving plate upon a mahogany table in a brilliantly 
sunlit (albeit in need of redecorating) dining room, but he wasn't very fond 
of anything she said.
Stephen V. Masse
Medford, MA






--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheers all ..

Stephen Loosley